Connecting the Dots: The Man Box and The Law
Mike Kasdan explores the parallels between dominance-based masculinity and traditional law firm culture and its effect on diversity, inclusion and equity, as well as mental health.
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the parallels between dominance-based traditional masculinity (AKA “toxic” or “Patriarchal” masculinity or “the Man Box’) and traditional law firm culture and the internalised lawyer identity. One of my conclusions is that this connection has a lot to do with law firms’ continuing struggle with diversity/equity/inclusion issues and individual lawyers’ continuing struggles with relatively poor mental health and well-being.
I have been a law firm lawyer for over two decades, and have worked in so-called Big Law, boutique specialty firms, and medium sized law firms. For the last ten years or so, I’ve also been an Editor, Writer, and Director of Special Projects for The Good Men Project. During that time, I’ve had the opportunity to study and write about all aspects of dominance-based masculinity.
Over my years of writing at @GoodMenProject, I’ve been lucky enough to be able to speak to some of the foremost folks about “masculinity.” It’s incredible how many dots this single issue connect and how many issues it spans. A few highlights:
The characteristics of “man box” masculinity are narrowly proscribed. Under “Man Box” rules, masculinity must be performed a certain way. That way includes: being strong, independent, tough, and unemotional, valuing decisiveness over collaboration, liking sports and beer, and always getting the girl.
But these traditional norms – which are reinforced by pop culture and socialization – exclude many men.
Some men aren’t physically strong, but are more cerebral.
Some don’t like sports.
Or beer.
Or girls.
Some prefer to collaborate rather than being fiercely independent loners.
Instead of embracing their differences, which include super-power skills like collaboration, emotional intelligence, relational connection, and diversity of point of view, those valuable traits are more often beaten out of men. Men who fall outside the box are often punished or shamed. They are called. “sissy,” “pussy,” “loser,” “homo,” or “girl.” This reinforces sexism and misogyny. (When “you throw like a girl” is hurled as an insult, you learn that girls are worthless, or at least worth less.)
We’re not doing ourselves any favours, either. Enforced man box rules also hurt men. Men suffer from epidemic levels of loneliness. Men suffer from a larger incidence of mental health problems. Men live shorter, less happy lives.
It strikes me that there is is a parallel between this so-called dominance-based masculinity and traditional Big Law law firm culture. (This shouldn’t be a big surprise, since most Big Law law firms were created by traditional “old school” white men.)
What are the traits that are emphasized as part of traditional Big Law culture?
Being a warrior, winning at all costs, always knowing the answer, decisiveness, always picking job over life/family, and the badges of being overworked and of busyness.
We can be lawyers and also be happy, enjoy our work, and lead balanced, inclusive, and mentally healthy lives. That’s kind of what it’s all about.
The law industry memes tell that story so well. We all know that memes aren’t perfect, but as touchstones of our collective cultural truths (or at least beliefs), they sure are worth paying attention to. Pictures being worth 1000 words, and all that.
One meme from @BigLawBoiz on Instagram notes that no lawyer can do things like “maintain a healthy relationship” or “drink a responsible amount.” Another, from @Insta_lawyers, shows side-by-side pictures of a lawyer on a Monday (looking fresh faced, and happy) and on a Friday (looking haggard, unkempt, and stressed). The meme carries the caption, “One week of lawyering.”
Just as this culture of dominance-based masculinity hurts women and men, dominance-based law firm culture ends up hurting lawyers (of all sexes and genders) as well as their clients.
Yesterday, I was part of a conversation responding to a post by a female lawyer on LinkedIn describing inappropriate workplace comments by another male lawyer that made her feel uncomfortable. A senior male lawyer jumped into the comments and told her she “needed to have a thicker skin” because “lawyers need to be like soldiers.”
Really?
It strikes me that there is is a parallel between this so-called dominance-based masculinity and traditional Big Law law firm culture.
Good lawyers need to be great listeners, creative problem-solvers, and intelligent and zealous advocates. Not soldiers or mercenary warriors that shoot first and ask questions later.
We aren’t solving the world’s most complex legal problems by “man-ing up.”
This culture -unless interrupted- ensures the model continues and is built into the very fabric of the legal industry. It is institutionalised.
It becomes law firm lawyers’ forced identity. And it is self enforcing.
But there is another way, one that is healthier, more inclusive, better for law firms, better for lawyers, and better for clients.
That’s why I’m here. That’s the world I want to help co-create. Creating that world starts with the difficult process of pushing to change the entrenched culture.
NB: I’m sure that the problems I’ve described aren’t unique to the legal industry or to law firms. That’s just what I know. I’d be curious to hear from others who are looking and thinking about their own industries through this lens.
Also, I hope that taking a critical eye to our industries, doesn’t trigger defensiveness that often serves to entrench and re-entrench other harmful institutional isms. We can be lawyers and also be happy, enjoy our work, and lead balanced, inclusive, and mentally healthy lives.
That’s kind of what it’s all about.