Asia Dimitrova, Author on Autism
“I met Amber through a course and we became friends. She is a very ‘sparkling’ person, very clever, very intelligent and very human. I was going through a very difficult time. I was going through a divorce. The war… Amber could not take on my case because I was living abroad but as a friend I was on the phone and during every single call she helped me to calm down and focus on what was really important.
I would tell Amber that my lawyer suggested we had to answer my husband in a particular way but it was like missiles flying around. Amber told me, ‘The war cannot happen with only one person- just get out of the war. Do what you have to do, you have responsibilities and take care of the physical things that have to be done, but step out of the war’. It was a process with Amber taking me through analysing and seeing what is actually happening, why the other person feels hurt as well, helping me understand the other point of view. Seeing where my hurt comes from, why I am reacting the way I am reacting… a few of the times it was hard news for me to hear because I did not like some of the things I had to hear about myself, but it was all for the best.
One thing I would never forget and is always in front of my mind is when Amber said: “When parents fight, the children are the battlefield. Even if you try to be gentle and you don’t tell them anything there is still a battlefield. So where are the missiles going to land? In your children. So stop the war now. Leave the other person to his own devices. He cannot clap with one hand. Let it go. Take care of the children.”
The process Amber led me through was to take care of myself, to grow as a person, to learn from what is happening to me… Amber asked me many times, ‘The divorce is going to be resolved one day, what are you going to do after that? You have to build your life from now through this and if you want a good life you have to focus on the good things and positive things and start building from now… We do this now. Leave the war and you focus on what you need to build now.”
It helped me so much, it helped me grow, it helped me calm down and whatever was happening, all this energy, the frustration and anger, to channel it into something good that I wanted to achieve and which serves me until now. Every time there is a conflict now, I go through the same process: What is important? Never mind the war. Find peace. It has been so good.
I am so blessed to have known Amber. I wish all the lawyers were like her. If all the lawyers take care of people as people, the legal problem as something that is happening to them not only on paper but on all the levels and to help them through this gateway, life would be much better, families will hold on better, society will be better.
Doctors when you are ill carry you, why can’t lawyers? I went to two lawyers and felt like I was being attacked by dogs. I thought, ‘You are meant to be defending me and you are shooting with guns.' They were very good people but the only way they knew how to do their legal work was this- war, guns, battleships. ‘You tell your son this’ and I would say, ‘Why? Leave him out of this’. Whatever Amber was setting up in my mind I had to transmit to my lawyer so we could do some positive work. It was a long process because the other side could not understand what I was doing! When you go to your centre in a good place… the other side thinks there is a plan! I said, ‘I just want to have peace with you…’ It was Amber speaking in the back of my mind, ‘What is important? Peace is important’.
It has been fantastic for me and I use the process until now for many things in my life because things in life repeat on a different scale. Even at work, with my kids, there is always some conflict going on. At first it gets on my nerves and then I go through Amber’s process! … It’s a transformation. I feel very blessed to have met Amber and have had her support.”