Change

“You Must Be The Change You Wish To See In The World”

(Mahatma Ghandi)

Understanding Your Family’s Needs

“Once you become aware that something is not right in your life, you can make new choices.  New choices is what leads to positive changes”

Fear paralyses you. We are all ‘happy’ in our comfort zones.  There is therefore usually resistance to change; to expanding the boundary drawn around us (which we ourselves have drawn to keep us safe but which actually act as a wall preventing others from accessing our core).  Even if this promises to be change for the better.  The challenge is to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’.  As Eleanor Roosevelt wisely said, “ We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot”.

When faced with a legal problem, there is usually (not always) a conflict that has arisen.  Something has not been dealt with in the ‘right’ way. We may become entrenched in our position, too fearful to accept responsibility for our action (or inaction).  Too proud to admit we have made a mistake.  Or the wrong may have been done to us but we are too fearful to stand up to the situation or person and ‘face the fear’.  

In life we sometimes see patterns emerging.  It is as though if we do not ‘face our fears’ we cannot progress.  Then more similar situations arise which bring us to the same viewpoint. But again we may choose not to face our fear.  Until fear is faced, though, there can be no positive change in our lives.  In facing our challenge, we will find that fear immediately dissolves through acceptance of our situation. 

An example is where a husband was constantly being threatened by his estranged wife that she would ‘take him to court and he would lose custody of his son’ unless he met all her demands (some of which were unreasonable financial demands).  The husband went on like this for many months.  Every time she threatened him, he would feel sick to the stomach, suffer sleepless nights, palpitations, stress and anxiety.  This would be picked up by the child.  One day, the husband had enough and he decided HE would take all matters to court so that the Judge could make a final Order about custody and financial issues.  It took a lot of courage and strength.  He faced his worst fear- losing his son.  The Judge made the Order confirming he would keep his son and the wife was unable to continue harassing him.  In one giant leap of faith and courage, her power and hold over him vanished. He and his son lived happily ever after.  Both lives had positively changed for good! The wife’s behaviour also changed and her relationship with her son improved, slowly.